Pirates and Marriage

The pirate’s ship approached the party’s little boat. Their boat, was less of a boat…. and more of a well built shanty created by Igloo in his spare time.

The party’s shanty was in the shadow of the well armed pirate ship. The ship saddled up next to the party and yelled from their deck: “Climb this ladder aboard our ship, or we’ll blow ye outta the water!”.

Each member of the party looks at each other. They had used all of Igloos heals just to recover from the critical lightning strikes on their way out of Mopak. The crafty devils formed a plan.

They all somberly climbed the ladder up to the ship, taking their sweet ass time.. All of them knew the signal if shit went south.

Once aboard the the ship, they are surrounded by Elven pirates. The captain says, “We’ll be taking your boat, and killing two of ya. So who are the two that want to live and work for me, and who are the two who want to die?”

The Captain INTENDED for this to be an ultimatum, but the party took it as a challenge. Most of the party backs away toward the other pirates on deck as Francis steps forward just within 5 ft of the Captain and some pirates. “I’ll work for you!” says Francis. The Captain replies, “Why should I let you work for me?”. Francis smiled one of those slow, giddy smiles. The kind of smile on a kid when he gets to play with his favorite toy. Francis exclaims, “Here’s why!”


A swirl of fire and dark black dust surround Francis in a vehement whirlwind. This torrent was large enough to hit not only the captain, but most of the nearest pirates. This was the signal! The whole party leapt into action, taking the surprise round. Thumn’drek instantly goes into barbarian rage-mode. He smashes down two of the pirates on his turn, crushing their skulls on the planks of the deck.

Igloo took out a few with his magic warhammer that returns to him after he throws it. Kinda like magical whack-a-mole. He also deftly uses his buffs and crowd control, to keep the party in advantageous positions.

Cartwright busts loose with his khopesh, dicing down pirates while slinging djada balls. Francis ends his fire and brimstone. Only the captain remains on deck with the party. Francis chokes him out, and the party realizes, “We have a new boat!”. They sail to a nearby fishing village and trade for some fishing supplies and food for the night. They rest up, and set their way toward the island called Sandown.

After 3 days of sailing, the party is getting to know each other better. Everyone is talking, and at first are mildly annoyed at Francis’ amnesia. He has a sort of identity crisis, but Cartwright calms him down. The amnesiatic Francis starts to grow on everybody. Cartwright also looks into the stabbed book that Francis retrieved from the library. It screams every time he opens the cover, and it contains no writing inside the book itself. Cartwright is irritated that this lead has gone cold (for now).

Thumn’drek spots land and the party sails to a settlement on the coast of Sandown. Through some investigation, they find out that the people of the settlement originated from Halos. They also discover that this Halotic Settlement is run by a man named Lord Gunthrip. They decide to go meet Lord Gunthrip. Gunthrip is a tall, pencil thin man with a pencil thin mustache. They ask him if he has any work for them. Lord Gunthrip replies that he needs people to “Shovel de poop out of de pit, into de fire.”

I’ll never know how this came to be… I think a combination of the mustache, the weird accent, and the shitty request somehow made the party think: “He’s a childfucker.”

They all immediately deny Lord Gunthrips request, and spend the rest of the day spreading the word that Lord Gunthrip is a childfucker. Igloo kinda just watches them all and shakes his head. After a while they end up (where else?) at the local tavern. They all proceed to get drunk, and Francis finds a lady named: Tanya Harding. They have a wonderful night together, and he gets her pregnant. After much debate, Francis DEMANDS that he cannot have a child out of wedlock and arranges for a wedding that day. He can garrote a guy’s head off, sure, but children out of wedlock, NO FUCKIN WAY.

Cartwright sees this as an opportunity to push the Gunthrip agenda even further. Cartwright tells Francis that he must give a speech at his wedding about Gunthrip and his childfuckin’ ways. Francis agrees, easily.

Igloo and Thumn’drek are swayed to this agenda because the prospect of taking over the settlement once Gunthrip was out, was just too tempting. They decided they would stand in different parts of the crowd and spread dissent on a person to person basis.

Cartwright (knowing his abysmal Charisma) decided to do just the opposite. He would try to make Lord Gunthrip seem like an ideal gentleman, but would roll so low that the people would think the opposite. THUS THE FIRST REVERSE-CHARISMA ROLL BORN. There was much rejoicing, and the DM was never the same gain.

Igloo and Thumn’drek are swayed to this agenda because the prospect of taking over the settlement once Gunthrip was out, was just too tempting. They decided they would stand in different parts of the crowd and spread dissent on a person to person basis.

The combo of grassroots campaigning from Igloo, Thumn’drek, and Cartwright proved to be effective throughout the wedding. After the lovers said their vows and such, it was time for the Groom’s Speech. Oh, what a speech it was: “Childfuckin this… Childfuckin that… No One’s children are safe!….. Gunthrip’s a crook!…. Think of the Children!…. Look deep into your hearts, you know I’m right… etc”

The hype was enough to enrage the already stirring crowd. They storm Lord Gunthrip’s tent, brutally murder him, and burn down the tent. Then the populace looks to the party for guidance after the mob has settled.

The party tells them that the only way they can be safe is to be like a military unit. They demand that rigorous training be implemented, and that everyone in the village to become skilled in armed combat.

The party stays awhile and appoints some local leaders. They tell those they leave in charge that they have some business to attend to in Mopak. They say that they will call for them when it is time.

The party rests and plots. Through much discussion, they decide that it is time to get some revenge on Mopak for: 1) Giving Francis Amnesia 2) Blowing off Igloo’s fingers and 3) Running them out of town. They decide the best course of action is to intercept a boat going from Mopak to Newport, to gather information about the going-ons of Mopak.

When morning comes, they set sail in search of a boat in transit to use for their nefarious plan…..